Bewilderment

I've searched through every detail. How could I not see this coming? I know what this means, I know that the end must be near. He has always been truthful with me. He has always told me what is to come. He always told me that In the end there can be only one. He never promised that in the  end I would be the last. Perhaps I foolishly believed to myself that if I did all that He asked... in the end I would be the only one left. But how can that be true? How did my last victim know my name? I did not miss a detail. I did not make a mistake! I did not reveal the truth to anyone! I did  not, I did not, I did not!! He has betrayed me. Who knows how many are truly left? Now do I wait and become the next? Do I give the satisfaction to another cleanser? Do I give him the satisfaction of knowing that he manipulated me and controlled me and used me? I think not. I think it's time for me to be in control.  I think it is inevitable and yes the end is the inevitable however I shall choose when and how the end comes, for it's easy to see that in the end there can be only one. What a fool I have been. 

He will see that I maintain control. He will know the price that his betrayal has cost.  And now I close my eyes waiting to take this one last step and the tightening of the rope and the conclusion of the pain. 

Doctor's Note:
The deceased had been treated by myself for the last 6 months. Clinical diagnosis was late stage psychosis and schizophrenic multiple personality disorder.  As of late the patient had been showing signs of extreme paranoia however of the 29 different personalities documented we had successfully eliminated 28. She was missing appointments and claiming she could only meet if it was going to rain.  She had been unreachable for the last week. 
It is with great regret that patient has taken her own life. Treatment was nearing completion and despite the erratic behavior as of late,  she had responded effectively. She was working hard but making progress...At the end of each treatment we would repeat together, "remember, in the end there can be only one."

Hidden?

I'm paralyzed. I have lost and He has won. He has taken the very essence of what I am and distorted it. He has changed it into what He wants it to be. There is no regard for those left behind. They mourn and I pour out myself with them, but no one can see my remorse. No one can know that I hurt in a way that won't heal. None of His reassurances matter. I am beginning to think that I am nothing but a pawn. But what if He is right? When I am no longer useful will I become a liability? Do I become an issue to be dealt with, a person in the way of progress? What are my choices? It feels as if there are none. Enough of this. As I slipped out of the closet and in to the shadow of the room it was clear that at least this matter was justified. The fear on the face of the guilty is intoxicating. The clarity in his eyes told me he knew this day was to come...how could he expect it? Have I not been hidden? Did I slip? As I squeezed the remaining breath from him I was not prepared for what I heard him say. In his last and dying breath he whispered my name.  

27

Racing thoughts through my mind. My eyes are wide open but I'm blind. Endless questions inhibit me. Questions that have no answers.

She is gone. She did not go easily. I've been studying her daily for a month. I had to understand her every move and the way she thought so I could succeed and succeed I did. I knew she'd try to fight. Most do. Flailing and kicking and desperately trying  to scratch at me. It's strange. There was a desperate plea in her eyes when words were no longer her option. That look is vivid and burned in my mind forever. I don't care much anymore. He chooses and I do what I'm told. That's the way it works. It is no use to try to resist. He always gets His way. Perhaps if I neglect my responsibility I will be next. Someone has to do this. In the end there can only be one, it must be me. So I cleanse.

He is becoming more demanding. I barely have the stain of her life wiped off my hands when He tells me where to go to find the next. There is an eery reminiscence of this place. The mossy covered trees create a series of canopies and secluded lairs. The sky is grey. The fog is haunting. There is no one here. As I turn to leave the horrid place I see him. Lurking at me from behind a tree. My blood is ice. My nerve is raw. My anger is screaming through my clenched teeth! He runs as he laughs like an apparition. From one lair to the next like a rabbit leading the wolf to the trap. This wolf will not be trapped. This wolf will devour this little rabbit. Cornered he looks at me, laughing like this is a game. This is no game. Todays adventure ends with the hiss of completion. This child shall taunt Him no longer. I hope to never have to return to this place. I know it far too well. The swings swing. The merri go round spins. The predator slips into the shadow. Number 27 is finished.

When the Clouds Come

I love the rain. It's my confirmation. How else could I know that He accepts me as I am? I know I am an animal. Despicable and vile. I don't know why He chose me to be one of the cleansers, but He did. The sky cries for me, that's how I now He forgives me.  When the clouds come, it will be time again. I wonder if she knows how close it is. If she was as interested in her own self preservation as she was her naked pursuits she'd ask for His forgiveness. He's fair. He's given her signs. He's spent every night watching her. I understand now why she must go, not that it matters what i think nor whether or not i understand. He chooses, thats all that matters. 
It is amazing what you can learn about a girl when she doesn't know anyone's watching. It's exciting to watch her be her real self. She sings without restraint, she cries a lot too. She stands and stares into the mirror as if she has no idea who is on the other side staring back at her, she cries again. She is empty inside and soon she'll be cold and stiff. Hanging on the edge of the mirror is the token He left for her. As quickly as I recognize the feeling  I chase away my pity for her, He  doesn't allow me to care. 
Next time you are home alone... you just may not be alone. And be sure, that when the clouds come, I'll come too.