Hidden?

I'm paralyzed. I have lost and He has won. He has taken the very essence of what I am and distorted it. He has changed it into what He wants it to be. There is no regard for those left behind. They mourn and I pour out myself with them, but no one can see my remorse. No one can know that I hurt in a way that won't heal. None of His reassurances matter. I am beginning to think that I am nothing but a pawn. But what if He is right? When I am no longer useful will I become a liability? Do I become an issue to be dealt with, a person in the way of progress? What are my choices? It feels as if there are none. Enough of this. As I slipped out of the closet and in to the shadow of the room it was clear that at least this matter was justified. The fear on the face of the guilty is intoxicating. The clarity in his eyes told me he knew this day was to come...how could he expect it? Have I not been hidden? Did I slip? As I squeezed the remaining breath from him I was not prepared for what I heard him say. In his last and dying breath he whispered my name.